Though I realize that admitting this may eliminate any chances I may have to assume an important leadership role in the Republican Party, I do like broccoli a lot. I usually have quite a bit in my freezer and stock up on it when there's a decent sale.

Which there was, over at the King Soopers grocery store where their store brand of chopped broccoli was selling for ninety-five cents per pound. I don't think this picture really captures the whole "broccodust" sense as well as it should. Near as I can tell, the entire contents of the package could have been put through a reasonably course-mesh flour sifter. At least the photo on the package shows the broccoli pieces being hefted by a spoon; there's no possible way that they could be eaten with a fork. I imagine a true broccoli enthusiast could have put away this pound of tasty greenery using just an ordinary straw, something not possible with most vegetables.

Now, I do know that the picture on the front of the package is really only a "serving suggestion," but I still think it should at least be physically possible to get from what's in the package to what's shown on the cover. I'm even willing to add my own spoon and bowl; sometimes I don't mind going the extra mile for the full suggested serving experience. But in this case, Kroger/King Soopers has stretched it too far: I may not be the world's greatest expert in things botanical, but I'm pretty sure it's not feasible to reassemble individual broccoli dust granules into complete florettes.

That being said, it's still an okay product. I've been mixing it into scrambled eggs along with the other spices. I do think it would have made more sense to have sold it in a shaker jar with holes in the top so you could sprinkle your broccodust onto whatever you had that needed a little broccohancement.

Here it is, another day when you're supposed to go out and get gifts and cards for somebody. Mother's day is certainly one of the more traditional ones, though the greeting card companies do seem intent on turning every day into an obligatory card day: there's secretary's day, boss' day, administrative professionals day (that's one I've only heard about this year), and probably about three hundred and sixty one others.

I remember when greeting cards were under a dollar; nowadays even a simple card costs a couple of bucks and you can easily spend close to ten on a deluxe 3D card with a pop-up cake and sound effects. The way things are going, we're all at risk of having all our hard-earned funds torn from our wallets and bank accounts by the International Conspiracy of Greeting Card Companies ("ICoGCC"--no doubt you've heard people try to say that with their last breath before in movies, so you know how powerful and dangerous this particular syndicate is).

The one thing that stands valiantly in ICoGCC's way, the one thing that may save us, is the brave "e-card" which doesn't cost anything at all. Honest, I still intend to do my part to help thwart ICoGCC by creating my own exclusive line of e-greeting cards, but I haven't finished enough of them yet to cover all possible holidays and other situations. At least they're shaping up nicely so far, I think. Here's one:

...unfortunately, I haven't finished my Mother's Day e-card collection yet, so I guess you're stuck with getting Mom a gift of some kind, preferably something she doesn't have already. I know that can be tough--especially if you're the kind of person who gets your mother a boring old tie every year, no matter how many times she tells you afterwards that she doesn't wear ties, especially not those boring old ones you keep buying. But I'm going to try to help you out anyway, even though I'm still working on writing my own mother's day e-cards. Taking some of my Valentine's Day e-cards and crossing out "Valentine's Day" and writing "Mother's Day" on top probably wouldn't be quite the right thing to do; most moms can see through that kind of ruse.

"Protect Your Banana!"

One your mother probably doesn't have is a patented Bananaguard to allow her to safely transport and store individual bananas letting her enjoy perfect bananas anytime, anywhere. That's one gift you can keep giving her year-after-year. ...or at least for as many years as she has bananas.

Or, if you want to splurge this year and get her something really big, why not check out Great Big Stuff, a store that sells stuff that's...well...big. Whether Mom needs a realistically hand-painted sixteen-inch PVC bagel or a similarly proportioned pair of undies, Great Big Stuff has it. ...or, at the very least, they'll have something else large that you could get.