because ... well ... why the hell not ...?

it's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.

Tuesday, October 30th

_2:34AM

Another Brief Episode of the Semi-Occasional "Tuesday Morning Miscellaneous Awards":

• The award for "Best Button seen at Last Weekend's SF convention" goes to:
  
  "It's just rocket science, it's not something hard like getting a date."
  
  
• The award for "Poorest Excuse for a 'Frequently Asked Questions' Page" goes to:
  
  Advanced Micro Devices Inc., for any of their Athlon FAQs, e.g.,
  
  

  Q. What level of performance will the AMD Athlon MP processors deliver?
  
  

  A: The AMD Athlon MP processor offers a high level of performance for servers and workstations, building on the award-winning desktop version of the AMD Athlon processor. The AMD Athlon MP processor can power a highly responsive system capable of meeting and exceeding business needs.

For some reason, I keep going to AMD's site [ http://www.amd.com ] when I'm trying to find out information on their products. I'm not really sure why I keep doing this, maybe it has something to do with their being the manufacturer.

To be fair, the actual spec sheets on their products still contain useful details like physical dimensions and power consumption (yes, a typical Athlon now consumes fifty-five watts all by itself), and AMD does have the longest step-by-step guide to how to install a heat sink without destroying the Athlon chip [ http://www2.amd.com/us-en/assets/content_type/white_papers_and_tech_docs/23986.pdf ] which takes no fewer than twenty pages to describe the official AMD-approved procedure.

But apart from such minor aberrations, like 3Com and many other high-tech companies, AMD has taken to heart the two overriding principles that guide most high-tech business website design today:

1. Carefully sift through all material that a customer or potential customer could see, remove any and all hard data or information that is at risk of being useful or meaningful. Replace and expand with only MBA-approved jargon devoid of any meaning.
2. Find out what annoys one's customer base and either expand on it or adopt it. In this case, AMD's new "Quantispeed Technology" which is not actually technology, but merely a trademark. The idea of renaming all one's processors with names that sound like they should be the clock speeds (but aren't) isn't a new idea. Cyrix tried it with their "P-rating" and it was annoying then just as it was now.

But I will give AMD credit for one thing: at least their webpages aren't all named "New Page 1" or "untitled." Not that "HOME_DEFAULT" is a big improvement, but at least it's different.

Tuesday, October 23rd

_16:54PM

Random useful link-of-the-moment:

Projector Central's online Projector Calculator [ http://www.projectorcentral.com/projection_calc.cfm ] Besides having the most extensive and useful database of LCD, DLP, and DILA projector specs of both current and discontinued models, Projector Central has a form that lets you pick the projector of interest and fill in either the screen size or the distance between the projector and the screen, and it'll tell you the workable range of the other parameter for that particular model.

(I've been setting up several projection systems lately, including one I donated to a local nonprofit community theater, so this was a cool site to run across.)

Thursday, October 18th

_10:06AM

Packing the house:

Yesterday I paid a visit to the duplication plant where the VHS copies of Dragon and the Hawk are being produced and prepared for distribution. Here's a shot of the newly assembled videotapes and packaging coming out of the automatic video-into-box-stuffing machine.

At the time I dropped by the plant, it was just a few hours into this production run, but you can see that they've already filled several pallets with assembled tapes, ready to be boxed and shipped out.

I don't think I'll drop by the plant that's doing the DVD pressing and assembly, however. That's being done by the same company that does CD replication for Inferno Music, which most likely means that all the action will be taking place in Korea.

Which is a little amusing, when you consider that Julian has a strong Korean fan base (he's from Korea and was their national Tae Kwon Do champion before getting into the movie biz), so some of those DVDs and CDs are likely to get made in Korea and then shipped to the US so that the distributors can ship them back to Korea.

Maybe it's a mark of our society's level of technological advancement and sophistication that this is still the most cost-effective way to do it. Or something. But, then, when I try doing a traceroute to another site on the internet that's physically less than ten miles from here, it usually goes by way of California and/or Chicago, so maybe videotape distribution is just being modelled after modern-day internet routing.

Okay, so that's not a very good theory, but it is a theory, nonetheless.

Friday, October 12th

_22:12PM

An unfortunate flicker:

As mentioned below, just a week ago, Michelle Grove's selection as one of Olympic Torchbearers for the 2002 Winter Olympics was officially announced. Michelle teaches martial arts at Warrior Quest International [ http://www.warriorquest.com/ ] and as an Olympic torchbearer, you have the option of purchasing the torch you carry to keep, otherwise you have to return it after your run. It's not cheap, but how often do you get a chance to collect a memento like that?

After learning the above, Michelle's students put together a collection to get the torch for her, each contributing a part of the total, which they'd placed in an envelope labeled "Olympic Torch Fund" (subtle, eh?) and left in the Warrior Quest office to give to her.

Yesterday, one week after the International Olympic Committee's announcement, one of the windows of the dojo was smashed, the display cases shattered, and numerous objects stolen--including Michelle's olympic torch fund. Police are investigating--apparently the perpetrators were very thorough where it came to leaving fingerprints over almost every level surface in facility--but, unfortunately, many of the items taken were not necessarily of any great monetary value, but irreplacable in their personal and sentimental value (awards, items from another instructor's wedding, etc.).

Thursday, October 4th

_8:50AM

Carrying a torch:

It's finally been officially announced--Michelle Grove (pictured at right, sans torch) has been selected as of the Olympic torchbearers for the Salt Lake City 2002 Winter Olympics; we've known about it for a couple of months now, we just weren't supposed to tell anyone before the Olympic Committee released their announcement.

Originally, the Olympic Committee had scheduled their official press conference for ten AM, September 12th, in Battery Park, New York City.

You probably know why that particular press conference didn't happen as planned.

But now the secret's out, so if you're in the Denver area come this February, be sure to keep an eye out for a torch-bearing Michelle running by....

Tuesday, October 2nd

_17:26PM

With "patriots" like these, who even needs terrorists?

In the wake of the September 11th disaster, Clear Channel Communications [ http://www.clearchannel.com/ ], sent the more than 1,200 radio stations nationwide a list of songs their DJs should avoid playing, lest they offend any listeners concerned about the continuing existence of free speech in this country.

Just in case you hadn't seen it, here's the list:

AC/DC Shot Down in Flames Shoot to Thrill Dirty Deeds Highway to Hell Safe in New York City TNT Hell's Bells Ad Libs The Boy from New York City Alice In Chains Rooster Sea of Sorrow Down in a Hole Them Bone Alien Ant Farm Smooth Criminal Animals We Gotta Get Out of this Place Louis Armstrong What a Wonderful World Bangles Walk Like an Egyptian Barenaked Ladies Falling for the First Time Fontella Bass Rescue Me Beastie Boys Sure Shot Sabotage Beatles A Day in the Life Lucy in fhe Sky with Diamonds Ticket to Ride Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da Pat Benatar Hit Me with Your Best Shot Love Is a Battlefield Black Sabbath War Pigs Sabbath Bloody Sabbath Suicide Solution Blood, Sweat, and Tears And When I Die Blue Oyster Cult Burnin' for You Boston Smokin' Brooklyn Bridge Worst that Could Happen Arthur Brown Fire Jackson Browne Doctor, My Eyes Bush Speed Kills Chi-Lites Have You Seen Her Dave Clark Five Bits and Pieces Petula Clark A Sign of the Times The Clash Rock the Casbah Phil Collins In the Air Tonight Sam Cooke Wonderful World Creedence Clearwater Revival Travelin' Band Cult Fire Woman Bobby Darin Mack the Knife Skeeter Davis End of the World Neil Diamond America Dio Holy Diver Doors The End Drifters On Broadway Drowning Pool Bodies Bob Dylan Knockin' on Heaven's Door Everclear Santa Monica Shelly Fabares Johnny Angel Filter Hey Man, Nice Shot Foo Fighters Learn to Fly Fuel Bad Day Peter Gabriel When You're Falling Gap Band You Dropped a Bomb on Me Godsmack Bad Religion Norman Greenbaum Spirit in the Sky Green Day Brain Stew Guns N' Roses Knockin' on Heaven's Door Happenings See You in September Jimi Hendrix Hey Joe Herman's Hermits Wonderful World Hollies He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother Buddy Holly and the Crickets That'll be the Day Jan and Dean Dead Man's Curve Billy Joel Only the Good Die Young Elton John Benny and the Jets Daniel Rocket Man Judas Priest Some Heads are Gonna Roll Kansas Dust in the Wind

Carole King I Feel the Earth Move Korn Falling Away From Me Lenny Kravitz Fly Away Led Zeppelin Stairway to Heaven John Lennon Imagine Jerry Lee Lewis Great Balls of Fire Limp Bizkit Break Stuff Local H Bound for the Floor Los Bravos Black is Black Lynyrd Skynyrd Tuesday's Gone Martha and the Vandellas Nowhere to Run Dancing in the Streets Dave Matthews Band Crash into Me Paul McCartney and the Wings Live and Let Die Barry McGuire Eve of Destruction Don McLean American Pie Steve Miller Jet Airliner Megadeth Dread and the Fugitive Sweating Bullets John Mellencamp Crumbling Down I'm on Fire Metallica Seek and Destroy Harvester Or Sorrow Enter Sandman Fade to Black Alanis Morissette Ironic Mudvayne Death Blooms Rick Nelson Travelin' Man Nena 99 Luftballoons / 99 Red Balloons Nine Inch Nails Head Like a Hole Oingo Boingo Dead Man's Party Paper Lace The Night Chicago Died John Parr St. Elmo's Fire Peter and Gordon I Go To Pieces A World Without Love Peter, Paul, and Mary Blowin' in the Wind Leavin' on a Jet Plane Tom Petty Free Fallin' Pink Floyd Run Like Hell Mother P.O.D. Boom Elvis Presley (You're the) Devil in Disguise Pretenders My City was Gone Queen Another One Bites the Dust Killer Queen Rage Against the Machine all songs Red Hot Chili Peppers Aeroplane Under the Bridge R.E.M. It's the End of the World as We Know It Rolling Stones Ruby Tuesday Mitch Ryder and the Detroit Wheels Devil with the Blue Dress Saliva Click Click Boom Santana Evil Ways Savage Garden Crash and Burn Simon and Garfunkel Bridge Over Troubled Water Frank Sinatra New York, New York Slipknot Left Behind Wait and Bleed Smashing Pumpkins Bullet with Butterfly Wings Soundgarden Blow Up the Outside World Fell on Black Days Black Hole Sun Bruce Springsteen I'm on Fire Goin' Down War Edwin Starr War Steam Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Cat Stevens Peace Train Morning Has Broken Stone Temple Pilots Big Bang Baby Dead and Bloated Sugar Ray Fly Surfaris Wipeout System of a Down Chop Suey! Talking Heads Burning Down the House James Taylor Fire and Rain Temple of the Dog Say Hello to Heaven Third Eye Blind Jumper Three Degrees When Will I See You Again 3 Doors Down Duck and Run 311 Down Tool Intolerance Tramps Disco Inferno U2 Sunday Bloody Sunday Van Halen Jump Dancing in the Streets J. Frank Wilson Last Kiss Yager and Evans In the Year 2525 Youngbloods Get Together The Zombies She's Not There

I guess we can all sleep more soundly with the knowlege that Clear Channel is doing their part to protect us from being exposed to the dangers of music by Louis Armstrong and Simon and Garfunkle.

At least they haven't tried to go after my record collection.

Yet.

The closest anyone's gotten so far has been the people protesting Mark Steven Grove's appearance on the cover of the Colorado Free University [ http://www.freeu.com/index.html ] Fall 2001 course catalog which came out back in August. If the reasons behind this particular uproar aren't obvious to you yet, take note that Mark (pictured at left) teaches martial arts and swordsmanship at Warrior Quest International [ http://www.warriorquest.com ] If you look closely, you'll note that he's using a katana, which has a slightly curved blade; he's also wearing a martial arts uniform. Pretty suspicious, no?

Okay, I didn't think so either, but in the words of one irate protester: "I picked up the latest copy of the CFU (schedule). I am frankly offended and appalled at the cover. When I first saw the piece in the newsstand, I thought it was a terrorist publication."

Another angry caller said he planned to bring the cover featuring a hostile "Arabian soldier" to the attention of U.S. Senator Ben Nighthorse Campbell, and said, "I'm going to protest your college until you don't have no more college students going to your college,"

My personal guess is that these impassioned protesters aren't too familiar with what a university is all about, free or otherwise, but CFU has said that it's going to see that all remaining copies (more than 100,000 course catalogs have already been distributed, so this is not a small task) are picked up and replaced with their new, almost-guaranteed-not-to-offend version, which has flowers on the cover instead. At least people won't be mistaking flowers for Arab terrorists encoded in the flowers.

We can hope, anyway.

I'm heading off to the grocery store myself; think I'll pick up a few more copies of the CFU Fall 2001 catalog before they're all gone. You never know, it could become a collector's item....

Monday, October 1st

_13:11PM

Some things are just plain wrong:

I'm hoping that the "when in doubt add a spoiler; if doubt persists, repeat" philosophy of automobile styling has reached its peak because I think car designs are leaving "cool" well behind and rapidly approaching "Irish Elk" status. Besides, some cars simply are not meant to have spoilers; Volvo station wagons, for one example; little front-wheel drive pickup trucks, for another. Just trust me on this one.

_12:26PM

of these we can be certain:

The usual saying is that only two things are certain: "Death" and "Taxes."

That's probably meant just for people, though, and when it comes to other subjects, you run into different duets of certainty.

If you're looking for product support or documentation for any kind of IT, networking, or semi-specialized computer equipment (basically, any kind you'd actually want support or documentation for), there are really on two things you can count on:

1. The manufacturer cares deeply enough about the World Trade Center tragedy enough to put American flags on each and every one of its pages and
2. The manufacturer has a page stating that the product is Y2K compliant, even if it wasn't even designed until 2001, and even if it's an entirely computer-circuitry-free product like a sticky note.

... despite the fact that the only thing I've ever run across that had a real Y2K problem was a tub of cottage cheese which had sat neglected in the back of the fridge since April of 1999.

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