One of the staples of the American Film Market is the preponderance of
film buyers looking specifically for horror. When it comes to other genres, buyers can have some pretty steep
requirements, but if it's a horror title, that can be enough of a selling point all by itself.
I'm happy to work on a horror project or to represent one for international sales, but I don't
"get" the genre like most of the rest of the world must. I do appreciate a few horror titles, but most of
the time, it seems like there's already enough horror out there in the real world.
...or, for that matter, out there on the internet.
I'm not just talking about the obvious horrors that are out there on the net, like
dancing hamster webpages, I'm thinking of all the horrifying new product ideas that people
everywhere are coming out with on a daily basis.
For starters, Sunbeam Company,
which also offers such innovative products as a USB-powered coffee warmer, now has available a cigarette lighter with cigarette storage
for your computer.
This seems to be a trend that's already starting to catch on:
has come out with a similar product as well.
Mounting a cigarette lighter in a transparent acrylic case seems like an especially bad idea, at least
from the standpoint of what other transparent things (like car windows) start to look like after a lot
of smoking has been going on in their vicinity. At least this way you'll be able to watch the smoke being
drawn into your computer system, illuminated by all your coolest case lighting as it settles onto and
coats all the internal computer bits with a layer of tar.
My favorite part (you knew this was coming, didn't you?) are the warning labels on these products. Usually
it seems that everything from computers to high-end video equipment devotes much more of its documentation
to telling you not to use it in the bathtub than to mundane topics like how to get the product to work.
Refreshingly, the computer cigarette lighter warnings I've seen haven't said anything about not using them in
the bathtub, so I guess that means you can go for it. Especially if it's one of the acrylic-case computers; I bet
Thermaltake, however, does warn you "Do not touch Cigarette Lighter after it is heated"
so I guess you have to use tongs or a couple of salad forks to grab its knob once it's hot. Sunbeam's warning is
a little more confusing: "Warning: Please don't touch other things with heated Cigarettes Lighter."
"Other things"? Like anything at all? But at least it's okay (albeit bordering on incestuous) to touch a couple of
If driving while talking on the cellphone makes you (or those other drivers who'd been in
that lane you just swerved into) nervous,
has just the product for you: The Original Hands Free Panda Bear!
Don't settle for one of those inferior copycat hands-free Panda Bears, go for the best, the original!
Just think of how much more comfortable the other drivers will feel if, instead of seeing you talking
on a cellphone while driving, they can see that you're carrying on a perfectly normal conversation
with a panda.
Best of all--at least in some states--sharing a car with an animated panda allows you to use the HOV lane.
But don't just take my word for it, here's what Evertek has to say:
Are you a maverick who thinks that you have everything cool
under the sun already? You don't... Not until you get an
Original Hands Free Panda Bear of your very own!!!
sound like something out of a Sci-Fi movie - but this is
the bear that talks to you!!!
Simply plug the bear into
your cell phone's hands free audio jack, pop in three
double-A batteries and TADA!!! - Instant hands free Panda
When the bear "talks" to you, its head and
mouth move in sync with the caller on the other end. And
when you get a call, not only do you hear the ring, but
its cute panda bear LED heart lights up as well. The
little bear even has a little pocket that you keep your
cell phone in (very convenient). What could be cooler???
What could be cooler, indeed? Well, perhaps only this amazing product from
Hello Kitty responds to your keyboard motion by talking and moving!
Hello Kitty will talk with you along with the input motion of the keyboard (moves both arms and head). Hello Kitty is able to talk in both Japanese and English. The languages can be switched. There is an English or Japanese manual available to you.
- Convenient 2-port USB function - USB terminal ports can be increased at convenient spots. It is able to connect 2 USB electronics such as digital camera or mouse and printer.
- HUBCOT interlock screensaver - Includes the function where Hello Kitty mascot will shake around if it interfaces with the screen saver on the screen. Kitty will play puzzle or mail e-mail with her friends and a lot more motions with responds to the computer screen.
- Alarm and time tone and clock-timer function - Includes alarm as well as time tone and clock-timer function which Hello Kitty will inform you with her voice and motion.
- Compatible for both Mac and PC computers - Easy installation with the software that comes along with this Hello Kitty Vibration Mascot. The motion and sound function can be turned on and off, so there is no need to worry about it start making noises while your are asleep or at work.
- Requires no more energy than 5V and 100mA to operate. Please plug it into electronics that uses AC adaptor. Screen saver that interfaces with the mascot to move.
This may be the harbinger of the next hottest trend in computer component
design. Back when transparent, fruit-colored cases were just getting trendy, I'd predicted that the next trend would be computer parts and
cases with glowing or flashing lights. Now I think it's safe to say that, within three years, we'll be surrounded by computer accessories that
squirm and wiggle during use.
They'll probably still light up, too, so just imagine sitting down to a nice, relaxing work environment, surrounded by wriggling, waving, and
nodding computing devices and cables.
It'd be a lot like going to meetings...but instead of coworkers, it'll be Hello Kitty USB Hubs (though by then, the Hello Kitty Vibration Mascot
will probably be transparent and fruit-colored with flashing blue LEDs for eyes). Maybe they'll even chatter continuously in a remarkably
It's still a few more months before we have to get our slate for the next film market nailed down. The international rights for Hello Kitty
are probably already taken care of, so we'll have to scare up our complement of horror elsewhere...but at least it gives us a baseline to
work with: whether it's a horrific spleen-devouring alien slime monster from the sixteenth dimension of the id, or it's the tried-and-true
chainsaw-wielding maniac dressed in whatever protective sports equipment we can get a lucrative product placement deal for, we've
got to make it at least as horrifying on screen as the Hello Kitty Vibration Mascot.
It'll be tough.