As long as we're on the topic of whether size matters, I think I'll add the observation that wardrobe
departments really should consider paying more attention to sizes--or at least the optimal relationship
between actors and clothing sizes.
Case in point: here I was, portraying an airline captain who is supposed to be attacked with an axe in
a cockpit. To make it a little more challenging, this scene was being filmed in a real cockpit, which is not
a very spacious location, especially once you've added in a movie camera, sound equipment, and a
camera operator...most of which are not actually standard cockpit equipment, at least outside of L.A.
That part's not too much of a problem--I'm flexible enough that I don't have too much trouble with small
spaces, at least up to a point. Some parts of me don't bend as well as others--my femur, for example--but
it still takes some extra effort to stage an exciting action sequence in a space roughly similar to the inside of a VW Bug.
Despite the fact that we were acting inside an area similar to the inside of a VW Bug, I actually bear
very little resemblance to one--either the old-style version or the new, updated model. There's got to
be a way to get this idea across to the wardrobe department, since the pants they came up with had inseams
that ranged from 30" all the way to 32". While a 32" inseam is long enough to keep my knees
covered, it still shows a lot more leg than most male airline personel are supposed to.
As far as I know, anyway. Thinking about it, I could imagine that UPS has its pilots dressed in burmuda shorts,
but I think they'd have to be brown and not black like the pants I'd been provided with.
| ...pants full of red-colored corn syrup... |
In keeping with the "tailored for a VW bug" theme, though the inseams were sized for someone much
smaller than I, the waistbands of the available pants could easily have fit around both myself and another
crewmember, possibly two. While I could see how this might not be the best idea during actual filming, it certainly
could have made the casting process more interesting.
Unfortunately, I hadn't been involved in that part, but who knows how much fun the casting director may
have had with those pants before I'd gotten them?
The shirts were the same way, though not quite as bad: they actually had one with a 34" sleevelength. Still several
inches too short, but as long as I didn't need to straighten out my arms, we'd be okay. More or less.
And thus began my brief career as the hunchpilot of Notre Dame.
...which ended shortly thereafter, with my assailant coming up from behind me and nudging me viciously with
an axe. That'll probably look okay once it's been edited...action sequences are often shown in slow motion, even if they're not usually
acted that way. On the downside, the bloodbag hidden in my shirt failed to rupture properly under the force
of the vicious nudging. It did actually break, but it was more of a "squish" than a rupture, and copious quantities
of fake blood went running down my stomach inside the shirt and into the tailored-for-a-VW-bug pants.
Hmmmmm. Visually, it could have been more dramatic, but then, how often do you
get the chance to be in a real airplane cockpit with your pants full of red-colored corn syrup?
On second thought, don't answer that. I don't want to know.