'Tis the Season:
Yep, one way you know that the end of the year is approaching is that,
all of a sudden, everything is being advertised as "the perfect gift" no matter what
a recipient might be likely to think of your mental facilities after unwrapping it.
Sure, some items really are a perfect gift for anyone on your gift list...like
the cuddly, plush "Santa Cthulhu" to my right. (Just so you know, I did try to special-order
"Hanukah Hastur" as well, but the entire store vanished into a noneuclidean
interdimensional tidal vortex before I could pick it up. Why does holiday shopping have
to be so complicated?)
And others aren't...like the box of "Ocean Blue Color"
"Spongebob Squarepants" macaroni and cheese on his right.
(Even--or maybe especially--after the Ocean Blue macaroni and cheese has
been left in the back of the fridge long enough that it, too, becomes plush
Somewhere in the twilight zone between Santa Cthulhu and the Squarepants of Hollywood
Lingerie Collection lurks all those other gift ideas that are probably perfect for somebody
even if it's not at all clear whom.
One of the computer parts wholesalers I deal with suggests their new glow-in-the-dark IDE cables.
Um. Okay. That's not really any weirder than Antec's line of
light-up power supplies and
cooling fans and those are apparently popular enough that Antec has already filed suit against
overseas manufacturers who have begun producing similar multicolored light-up cooling fans. Maybe people
just really miss those glorious days when core really was core and you could keep an eye on what the
computer was doing by watching banks of blinking lights.
I may just have the wrong attitude about these things. I admit that, in years past, there have been times
when I've seen light streaming out of a power supply fan grate, or even a few flashes of light from inside
a computer. My reaction at the time, however, was not, "oooh, cool!"--it was more like, "oh. This is going to
Next holiday season, if Antec releases a line of power supplies and cooling fans that emit an electronically-synthesized
odor of burning insulation, I'm not going to buy those either.
If you're into home-theater equipment, you've probably already seen ads for The Guitammer Company 's
Buttkicker product, an
electromagnetic low-frequency transducer which may be bolted onto the back of a couch or chair to
make your home theater experience more like driving with a hyperactive child in the seat
behind you. If there's a home-theater afficionado in your life whom you think deserves a kick in the
pants, this could be the perfect gift.
BTW, the manufacturer points out that, not only can the Buttkicker be used to transmit
low-frequency energy directly into your sacral region, it could also be used for
archaeological and oil exploration.
Now, there's a versatile gift! Just think of how these two disparate functions could be combined to enhance your
enjoyment of "Raiders of the Lost Ark."
But for those times when you're on the go--or if you just don't have the space for a kick-butt home theater setup--Panasonic
has released a similar, but much smaller, device:
Brain Shaker Extreme Headphones which operate
more like tiny, sound-activated, hyperactive children kicking you in the back of your head.
What more could you want for the holidays? Well, there's still most of a month left to go, so there's
still lots of time for yet more "perfect gift ideas" to wander into my mailbox.