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did space aliens write our nursery rhymes?

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Incredible as it may sound, Doctor Jorgen Jurgen of the Institute for Silly Research in Stockholm, Pennsylvania has found conclusive evidence proving that many of our traditional nursery rhymes were in fact written by aliens! Our ace reporter, Tesla Nixon, was dispatched to interview the distinguished doctor just as soon as we found out about his discovery and we'd found a suitable carpool.

Tesla: Doctor, thanks for granting me this exclusive interview with you. I imagine that ever since your announcement, you've been a very busy man.
Jorgen: Actually, Ms. Nixon, it was no problem at all. In fact, I've only gotten one other call from the media this week and that was to ask if I wanted to subscribe to the Stockholm Examiner.
Tesla: Well, thanks nonetheless. And, please, call me Tesla.
Jorgen: Thanks. And call me Jorgen.
Tesla: Was that 'Jurgen' or 'Jorgen'?
Jorgen: 'Jorgen'--with an 'o'.
Tesla: Ok, thanks. Now about your discovery....
Jorgen: Would you like some tea?
Tesla: Yes, I would, as a matter of fact.
Jorgen: Here you go. One lump, or two?
Tesla: I make it a practice never to eat anything that is served in lumps. Anyway....
Jorgen: Lemon? Or Cream?
Tesla: No, just hand me the cup and we'll get on to your research.
Jorgen: Ok, here you go. By the way, that's a lovely microphone you have there.
Tesla: Thanks. Now, about your discovery....
Jorgen: Oh, yes. It actually started out as idle speculation on my part a few years ago one evening when I'd a bit too much to drink after an Erich Von Danniken film festival, but the following week when I stumbled across some of the notes I made that night, I realized that there really might be something behind it.

Take Mother Goose, for example. Now why would primitive European peoples imagine a birdlike being that teaches children? I believe that 'Mother Goose' was none other than a being from an advanced civilization of birdlike creatures dedicated to sharing their knowlege with all less fortunate races.

Tesla: Is there much evidence for this?
Jorgen: Quite a lot. Take, for instance, the popular nursery rhyme that reads
Hickory, dickory, dock,
The mouse ran up the clock,
The clock struck one,
The mouse ran down;
Hickory, dickory, dock.
Clearly this seemingly nonsense verse only becomes meaningful when we realize that it is nothing less than the principles of special relativity being explained in a form people a thousand years ago could understand: we can see a clear description of the 'mouse'-- obviously a small type of space probe of a type used by Mother Goose's alien race--moving 'up and down the clock' as it maneuvers at speeds approaching that of light between the time it leaves and returns to its dock.
Tesla: The clarity is almost breathtaking.
Jorgen: Or consider the common rhyme,
Hey, diddle, diddle,
The cat and the fiddle,
The cow jumped over the moon;
The little dog laughed
To see such sport,
And the dish ran away with the spoon.
It's clear that this is a fairly straightforward account of a small exploratory vessel that had landed on the earth and its pilot is attempting to repair it--the cat that diddles and fiddles with the craft's engines--and return to the orbiting mother ship--the cow that 'jumps over the moon'--referring to its orbit that must have been at a greater distance from the Earth than the Earth-moon distance, which suggests that they had a highly advanced space drive that only functioned away from strong gravitational fields.

The line 'the dish ran away with the spoon' implies that these ancient space travellers used saucer-like exploratory craft--not unlike the most common types observed in modern UFO sightings--and that it 'left' with the 'spoon'--probably some sort of device designed to sample the Earth's soil and vegetation, similar to the sampling devices mounted on the Viking Mars Landers launched by our own race.

So you can see that there's really no other explanation for the incredible parallels between these verses and how early space travellers must have looked to our ancestors. We can only wonder at what more our ancestors could have learned from these ancient astronauts had they been better able to control their fear of them.

Tesla: "How do you know they were afraid of them?"
Jorgen: We know that many of the people of this era reacted in fear to the benevolent space visitors from some of the more terrifying accounts of their visits. No doubt you're familiar with,
Little Miss Muffett
Sat on a tuffet
Eating of curds and whey;
Along came a black spider,
And sat down beside her,
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
Obviously no one of the time would have been frightened by a real spider, nor would a spider sit next to anyone, 'sitting' being a physical impossiblity to an arachnid. Instead, this must refer to one of the aliens appearing to an earthling while wearing a spacesuit.

If you take a look at a modern spacesuit, you'll note that it has a variety of arms and tools and even hydrazine thrusters sticking out in various directions as well as having a large backpack for storing life support and other essential systems. If you were to don a spacesuit and walk into the camp of a primitive tribe, they probably would think that you were a gigantic spider and might well run away in fear before learning any of the knowlege you'd hoped to share with them.

These aliens even foresaw some of the crises which would only be beginning to affect us today and tried to warn us of them:

Hush-a-bye baby, on the tree top,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock;
When the bough bends, the cradle will fall
Down will come baby, bough, cradle, and all.
'Baby,' of course, refers to the human race, since we are infants in the eyes of these wise spacetravellers. The 'cradle' is our earth, and this entire poem is a plea for us to take care of our planet's limited resources and use environmentally safe energy sources such as wind power to 'rock our cradle'--power our earth--and protect the trees that replenish our atmosphere on which we depend. As the rhyme warns us, when we destroy our trees--'bending the bough,' as it were--our whole ecosystem and us with it--baby, bough, cradle, and all--could be destroyed.

Pretty sobering thoughts from what people once believed was nothing more than a simple nonsense rhyme.

Tesla: Terrifying. Do you have evidence of other aliens besides 'Mother Goose' visiting our earth?
Jorgen: Plenty. Aesop, for example. He probably came to our planet from a world much like ours, but evolutionarily so far in advance of us that even the animals had learned to speak and engage in thought processes as advanced as our own. Aesop's own race was almost certainly so far beyond us that they considered such thought processes trivial and amusing, merely suitable for funny little stories or fables.

Many other examples appear in Grimm's Fairy Tales, which tell of aliens who visited our world who weren't quite as benevolent as Aesop or Mother Goose.

You can read all about these visitations and others in my new book Perambulators of the Gods . Have you considered the alien visitation described in the familliar verse,

There once was a man from Nantucket
Tesla: I'm afraid we've run out of time, Doctor Jurgen. Let me tell you what a pleasure it's been to interview you and that I hope your book is as great a success as your theories seem to be. Thanks again.
Jorgen: My pleasure. Have I told you about my theory that an intelligent race of beings living in the sun is communicating to us through the medium of disease?
Tesla: Um, sorry; gotta run. Time to feed the cat...and I think I might have left something on the stove...yeah, um, maybe it was the cat...This is Tesla Nixon, signing off for the Unnatural Enquirer.
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the Visible Barbie Project
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