The Visible Barbie Project

We had no way of knowing (since, obviously, a standard autopsy could not be performed without causing irreparable damage to the subject) whether the doll had been marked down as a result of BSE (Barbie Simplygone Encephalopathy). Some researchers have hypothesized that BSE has already jumped the species barrier to computers and, thence, possibly, to computer programmers and hardware designers.

The most compelling evidence for BSE transmission from doll to computer to programmers/designers is the increasing frequency of incidents of empty-headed computer program designs and the peculiar fascination computer designers have had lately with developing colorful plastic colors and fashions with which to adorn new computer designs, rather than making products that work better or, in some cases, at all.

While the possibility of doll-to-human disease transmission may seem tenuous, even if passed through an intermediate computer vector, grant-writers just eat up this kind of stuff and, as such, any possibility--no matter how slight--should be brought up repeatedly, at least until you get a couple of good papers published about it.

But, enough preamble. The subject was in place, the bandsaw was plugged in and ready to go, and none of the neighbors were watching, so we were ready to begin.

(Yes, I am using the editorial "we" here, even though it's just me--this should not be taken as evidence that I have developed multiple personality disorder or any other mental disease that I'd want to talk about right now.)

According to Pink's Anatomy, I should be cutting across the central plane of the cerebrum right now. As you can see, however, the subject's cranium is entirely empty except for a whole bunch of ingrown hair folicles. This subject may, indeed, have succumbed to an advanced case of BSE.

Or Barbie may just be an airhead; it's hard to be sure about these things.

The bandsaw jammed when sawing off the head, as several large wads of Barbie hair were drawn into the drive system. After enough of the hair was cleared out to restart the bandsaw, the subject was moved to a more stable position for the remainder of the sectioning process.

(For those of you who wish to repeat this experiment at home, remember to shave your Barbies first; it's much easier on the bandsaw. Trust me on this one.)

The original plan had been to construct a three-dimensional representation of Barbie's interior anatomy through the creation of a complete series of transverse sections at one-millimeter intervals. The spacing between the sections was increased because the bandsaw would have scattered anything that small all over creation and made even more of a mess.

The completed results, viewed in cross-sectional orientation, are shown below, next to a longitudinal representation of the unsliced Barbie.

For those interested, the device used for positioning the sections is an old silver sugar cube server.