Tired of your boring, dead-end job?
Why not enter the fast-growing field of
PIZZA REPAIR!
Thousands of pizzas are prepared incorrectly every single day--and
experts predict that four hundred million pizzas will be baked with
the wrong ingredients by the end of the decade. And, if you are one
of the select few who know the secrets of pizza repair, that means
BIG BUCKS
for you!
You'll learn how to
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Remove unwanted pepperonies!
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Pick off mushrooms!
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Add anchovies!
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Repaint pepperonies to make them look like Canadian bacon!
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Take those anchovies off again!
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Filter sausage bits out of the cheese!
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Staple pinapple directly to the crust so it looks just like
it was baked on!
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Take off the rest of the mushrooms!
And, you'll learn how to remove the following bits of foreign
material that were accidentally baked into the pizza:
Hair
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Hairnets
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Dentures
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Jewelry
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Rodents
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Hash Browns
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Spiders
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Ice Cream (a toughie)
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Spatulas
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Nail Clippings
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Coast Guards
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Pom-Poms
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Best of all, thanks to the Columbia School of Pizza Repair, you can
learn all about this rapidly-growing field in your own home! We'll
mail you a different pizza each week and, if you're not entirely
satisfied, you can fix it yourself! So, send us $575.35 (plus $6.50
postage and handling) and two boxtops from any Gener Mills cereal and
enter the lucrative world of pizza repair today!
Remember:
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that's $575.35 (plus $6.50 postage and handling) and two
boxtops from any Gener Mills cereal to:
The Columbia School of Pizza Repair
(Not affliated with anybody)
6529 Lakeside Circle
Littleton, CO 80125
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