YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

Son, we live in a world that has ABS, and those ABS have to be WORKED by men with HIGH REPS. Who's gonna do it? You? You, LIEUTANT MACK-DON-ALD? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for your FLABBY GUT and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that HIGH REPS, while tragic, leads to TONED ABS!! .

And 500 crunches daily, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, leads to CUT ABS. You don't want the truth because, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on MFW, you need me on the INTERNET posting this drivel!

We use words like KY, "rear-admiral", soft-fluffy butt. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent overtraining our ABS! You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way. Otherwise I suggest you pick up an AB ROLLER and stand at post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

-OJ "Thank God for IMDB.COM" Simpson